How to strengthen a long distance marriage

If you’re wondering how to strengthen a long distance marriage even in the case of physical distance, know this- it’s entirely doable and will take work (just like in the case of any marriage!)

Here is some long distance marriage help that can help you support your relationship right now:

Step 1: Give Appreciations: It’s so easy to notice the flaws in our spouse and take the virtues for granted. We need to throw out this recipe for resentment. Instead make it a habit to express gratitude and overlook their faults. Daily appreciations will help you not lose sight of all the good your spouse does for you. You’ll also get in the habit of focusing on the positive and your partner will feel loved. Make a few minutes a day to include appreciations in your routine. Sit down and look into each others’ eyes (even over Skype!) and share what you appreciate about what your spouse did for you today or a quality that he/she possesses. If you can, have your spouse mirror it back by repeating what you said to make sure they really got it!

Step 2: Flooding: You can develop this exercise of gratitude and positivity by celebrating your spouse even further. Make the time to really show your spouse how great you think they are. More than just an appreciation, flood them with positive energy and enthusiasm. I often have couples do the flooding exercise where they physically walk around their spouse in a circle, and each time they go around, they say three physical characteristics, three behaviors, and three qualities they like about their spouse. They face their spouse, who is sitting down, share one item, encircle their spouse and continue the process until they are finished. With each successive comment they raise their voice and excitement level. They then shout out a global affirmation of why they love their spouse so much. This exercise really changes the energy in the room and the relationship and allows the spouse on the receiving end to truly feel cherished. You can do a variation of this over Skype with your partner.

More inspiration for how to strengthen a long distance marriage:

If you’re currently living apart from your spouse, make it a habit to continually express gratitude through appreciations for him/her (even over the phone) and the flooding exercise. Focus on what he/she does that is right and focus on that instead of what is wrong.

3. Learning something or having a new experience together builds new neural pathways in the brain and helps foster connection. By constantly sharing new experiences, whether dating, traveling, or taking a class, you can keep the spark alive.

Challenging times call for some flexibility, which is a hallmark of a successful relationship. While it is difficult not being in close physical proximity, it is an opportunity to deepen and enrich the relationship in ways you may not have been able to do previously. This means getting to know your partner in a deeper way and improving your communication and connection. It will also be a test if your relationship has staying power. When you can reunite in person, this separation will be able to make the relationship stronger as the longing you have had apart will help you appreciate each other more. Thankfully, we have technological advances which make it easier to have long distance relationships. You can see each other and even interact online. Stick it out, be positive. This will be over soon.

Some additional tips for keeping the spark alive in long distance relationships

1) Keep in touch– Sending nice text messages or emails throughout the day to check in and show you care is a great way to keep long distance relationships alive. It’s hard not living in the same locale so whatever contact you can have throughout the day is a gentle reminder that you care.

2) Small gifts– Sending occasional gifts is a great way to keep up connection and show that you are thinking about your special someone. Even though you may apart in distance, you can still cherish feelings of closeness through such gestures.

3) Schedule Trips– While you may spend most of your time apart, it is important that your time together is memorable. Plan your schedule so you can spend time in person on multiple occasions throughout the year. These visits will strengthen your bond and give you the strength to carry on in between in-person meetings. (You can join our virtual couples retreats for new bonding and connection even if you are in two different locations!)

A Fun Long Distance Relationship Gift Idea

The Relationship Vision Couples Re-connection Journal sold on Amazon solves some of the difficulty in maintaining a thriving long distance relationship.

That’s due to long distance couples not seeing each other for long periods of time and sometimes not having much to talk about by phone or video.

The Relationship Vision Couples Re-Connection Journal: Daily Conversations, Relationship Questions and Bucket Lists to Fix Your Marriage & Be Happy provides over 3 years of conversations and questions that prompt couples to start enjoying the most connected and fulfilling talks, together, for many years to come so no longer do they have to rack their brains to come up with things to talk about that will bring them closer.

The conversations and questions are divided up according to easy, medium, and highest level of intensity so couples will never be thrown into a potential difficult conversation without being prepared to do so.

Most journals ask difficult questions straight off the bat, leading to more arguments and uncomfortable conversations that lead to more disconnection.Because our journal was written by a marriage counselor whose goal is to keep couples together and happy, you’ll not only be given prompts to answer but actual marriage counseling material on how to have “safe”, emotionally connected conversations.

So even if you’ve tried other couples journals before and “failed”, hoping they would bring you closer together, you haven’t tried this one!

This beautiful journal, The Relationship Vision Couples Re-connection Journal is designed for you to infuse positivity and fun into your relationship, thereby also working on some of the harder aspects of your marriage without it seeming a chore.

You’ll go through questions and conversation prompts, one after the next – some a continuation of the question before it- with varying levels of intensity to correspond to whatever mood you and your partner are in that day.

If your relationship has been struggling, start with the easier questions. If you’re ready to deepen things and work on some things that you’ve been getting stuck on, try the harder section.

As a marriage counselor with the interest of keeping couples together and happy, you will never have to worry about questions in this journal making things worse for you both as some other journals do in their line of questioning.

It’s too easy to get lost in the day to day responsibilities and forget each other.

Stick to our instructions and guidelines for both asking and answering the questions in a way that fosters emotional safety and connection with your partner, a goal that we are excited to help you achieve through this re-connection journal!

“Make dedicated, nonnegotiable time for each other a priority, and never stop being curious about your partner. Don’t assume you know who they are today, just because you went to bed with them the night before. In short, never stop asking questions. But ask the right kind of questions.”
― John M. Gottman, Eight Dates: A Plan for Making Love Last Forever

The best thing for you both if you’re struggling to maintain your long distance relationship and keep your marriage thriving is to talk with us about our online 2 Day Private Marriage Restoration Retreat. It’s likely been a while since you experienced deep closeness with your spouse and if you want your interactions when together to be pleasant and enjoyable, you need skills. Discovering what you need to do to keep your long distance relationship thriving is what the 2 Day Marriage Restoration Retreat provides. Talk with us today!

There’s nothing quite like the power of gaining clarity on a confusing situation. Complete the form below to talk with Rabbi Slatkin to see what he thinks would be best for you and your unique situation.

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Shlomo & Rivka Slatkin

Rabbi Shlomo Slatkin is an Imago relationship therapist and certified (master level) Imago workshop presenter with over 20 years of experience hosting couples therapy retreats in-person and online.

Shlomo & Rivka Slatkin

Rabbi Shlomo Slatkin is an Imago relationship therapist and certified (master level) Imago workshop presenter with over 20 years of experience hosting couples therapy retreats in-person and online.

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