Marriage Intensives & Online Counseling | Imago Therapy โ€“ The Marriage Restoration Project

How to Fix a High Conflict Relationship (Even If Nothing Else Has Worked)

If your relationship feels like a constant battleground โ€” endless fighting, silent treatment, or walking on eggshells โ€” you may wonder if thereโ€™s any hope left.

Hereโ€™s the good news: you can fix a high conflict relationship. But it takes more than just talking things out or attending another therapy session that leaves you feeling unheard.

What most couples in conflict need is a clear, structured method that actually works when emotions are high and trust feels shaky.

At The Marriage Restoration Project, we specialize in helping couples reconnectโ€”especially when nothing else has worked.

What Doesnโ€™t Work for High-Conflict Couples

Most couples therapy approaches werenโ€™t built for high-conflict dynamics. Thatโ€™s why so many couples walk away from sessions feeling worse:

  • No structure for intense conversations
  • One partner dominates while the other shuts down
  • Emotional safety never gets established
  • Old trauma or resentments keep resurfacing
  • The therapist takes sides โ€” or gets overwhelmed

If youโ€™ve been there, youโ€™re not alone. And your relationship isnโ€™t beyond repair. Research confirms that unresolved conflictโ€”without effective repairโ€”predicts ongoing dissatisfaction and even divorce.ยน

What High-Conflict Couples Really Need

When youโ€™re in the middle of an argument, itโ€™s hard to think clearly. The nervous system reacts as if itโ€™s under attack. Before you know it, youโ€™re both in survival mode โ€” defending, blaming, or shutting down.ยฒ

In these moments, logic and love get drowned out by stress.

The key to breaking this pattern isnโ€™t more advice. Itโ€™s structure.

Thatโ€™s where our signature process comes in. If youโ€™ve heard of the 5-5-5 Method โ€“ which gives each partner a safe, uninterrupted space to speak, reflect, and respond โ€“ our work builds on that kind of safe communication. No more talking over each other. No more rehashing the past without a way forward. Just calm, connected dialogue, one step at a time.

We also help couples notice whatโ€™s happening in their bodies during conflict. Tone, posture, and even breathing can escalate or de-escalate a moment.ยณ Learning to stay grounded turns even tough conversations into opportunities for repair instead of destruction.

Our Method for Lasting Change

Over the years, weโ€™ve developed a framework that draws on the best parts of multiple relationship models โ€” adapted specifically for couples who fight often and feel emotionally disconnected.

Itโ€™s not just about talking differently. Itโ€™s about being different with each other โ€” showing up in ways that build trust and connection again.

Instead of spiraling into blame or withdrawal, youโ€™ll learn how to:

  • Interrupt the cycle before it starts
  • Speak with compassion instead of criticism
  • Listen without judgment
  • Repair ruptures in ways that actually bring you closerโด

This isnโ€™t surface-level communication work. Itโ€™s deep emotional repair that helps you feel like teammates again, not enemies.

Yes, You Can Fix a High Conflict Relationship

Weโ€™ve worked with hundreds of couples who felt completely stuck โ€” and theyโ€™ve told us the same thing afterward:

โ€œWe wish we had found this sooner.โ€

Itโ€™s not too late for you, either.

If youโ€™re both willing to try again with a different kind of support โ€” one that meets you in the middle of the storm instead of avoiding it โ€” then youโ€™re already on the path to healing.

Our method is designed to work even if:

  • Youโ€™ve been arguing for years
  • Youโ€™ve tried other therapists and felt misunderstood
  • One or both of you gets emotionally flooded easily
  • You feel hopeless, angry, or completely disconnected

You donโ€™t need to wait until things calm down. You just need the right container to help you do conflict โ€” and repair โ€” differently.

You donโ€™t need to keep repeating the same painful fight. You just need a better way.

FAQs: Fixing High Conflict Relationships

What causes high conflict in relationships?
High conflict often stems from unmet emotional needs, unresolved hurts, and poor repair strategies after fights. Itโ€™s not just about โ€œbad communicationโ€ โ€” itโ€™s about not feeling safe enough to be vulnerable.ยน

Can high-conflict couples really change?
Yes. With the right structure, support, and commitment from both partners, even couples who fight all the time can create lasting change.ยฒ

Whatโ€™s different about your approach?
Our No Blame, No Shame Intensive marriage counseling retreats are designed for couples whoโ€™ve tried traditional counseling and felt like it didnโ€™t work. We use structured dialogue, somatic tools, and real-time guidance to help you reconnect โ€” even during conflict.ยณ

Key Takeaways

  • High conflict doesnโ€™t mean hopeless. With the right process, couples can repair even long-standing damage.
  • Traditional therapy often fails high-conflict couples. Without safety and structure, sessions can escalate the same destructive patterns.
  • Structure matters. Safe, repeatable dialogue methods calm the nervous system and open the door to connection.
  • Change is possible. With commitment and guided support, couples can move from battleground to teamwork.

Sources

ยน Gottman, J. M., & Levenson, R. W. (2002). A two-factor model for predicting divorce. Journal of Family Psychology, 14(1), 42โ€“52.
ยฒ Porges, S. W. (2011). The Polyvagal Theory: Neurophysiological Foundations of Emotions, Attachment, Communication, and Self-regulation. Norton.
ยณ Coan, J. A., Schaefer, H. S., & Davidson, R. J. (2006). Lending a hand: Social regulation of the neural response to threat. Psychological Science, 17(12), 1032โ€“1039.
โด Hendrix, H., & Hunt, H. L. (2019). Doing Imago Relationship Therapy in the Space-Between: A Clinicianโ€™s Guide. Norton.

Picture of Shlomo & Rivka Slatkin

Shlomo & Rivka Slatkin

Rabbi Shlomo Slatkin is an Imago relationship therapist and certified (master level) Imago workshop presenter with over 20 years of experience hosting couples therapy retreats in-person and online.

Picture of Shlomo & Rivka Slatkin

Shlomo & Rivka Slatkin

Rabbi Shlomo Slatkin is an Imago relationship therapist and certified (master level) Imago workshop presenter with over 20 years of experience hosting couples therapy retreats in-person and online.

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