Written by Shlomo Slatkin, MS, LCPC, Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor and Certified Imago Relationship Therapist. Rabbi Shlomo has worked with thousands of couples worldwide through both weekly counseling and his signature two-day Marriage Intensive retreats which are likened to 6 months of highly effective therapy.
If you’re wondering what really happens in marriage counseling—and how to prepare for your first marriage counseling session—you’re not alone. This is one of the most common questions couples ask before starting therapy. The truth is: what happens depends a lot on the approach your counselor uses.
What to Expect in Traditional Marriage Counseling
In many traditional counseling models, the first session often starts with gathering history. The therapist may ask about your relationship background, family upbringing, and the issues bringing you to counseling.
You’ll likely sit facing the therapist and discuss frustrations with your partner. In this setting, some therapists may primarily listen, while others offer suggestions or communication tips. Research shows that simply sharing and feeling heard can help reduce distress, though effectiveness depends heavily on the therapist’s skill and training .
For some couples, however, this process can feel uncomfortable—especially if the focus is on analyzing who is “at fault.” That’s why it’s essential to find a therapist whose approach resonates with both of you.
What to Expect in Imago Relationship Therapy
If you’re working with a Certified Imago Therapist, the process looks different. Instead of focusing on blame or long histories, the emphasis is on connection and communication.
In your first session, you’ll sit facing each other—because your relationship (not the therapist) is the focus. The therapist guides you through a structured dialogue process where you talk to each other, not about each other.
This approach helps both partners feel safe and reduces the chance of escalating into unproductive arguments. Studies have found that structured, skill-based interventions like Imago can improve empathy, reduce conflict, and strengthen long-term relationship satisfaction.
Rabbi Shlomo’s Adaptation: The Two-Day Marriage Intensive
In my own practice, I’ve adapted the Imago framework into a two-day Marriage Intensive Therapy model. While Imago emphasizes safe dialogue, my intensive retreats go a step further by condensing what might take months of weekly counseling into one immersive experience.
Couples spend two full days in focused sessions, breaking through gridlock and experiencing transformation much more quickly. The intensive is then followed by structured post-retreat sessions to ensure lasting change.
This model is especially effective for couples in crisis who don’t have the luxury of waiting months to see progress. It creates the space for deep breakthroughs while maintaining the safety and structure Imago provides.
How to Prepare for Your First Session
No matter what type of marriage counseling you attend, preparation is key. Here are some ways to set yourself up for success:
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Come with an open mind. Don’t expect overnight solutions, but do expect to gain new insights.
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Be willing to engage. Therapy works best when both partners are active participants.
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Focus on growth, not blame. The goal isn’t to “win” but to understand each other better.
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Expect some discomfort. Talking about hard things can feel awkward at first, but with a safe process it becomes easier.
Counseling may feel intimidating, but with the right therapist and mindset, it can be one of the most transformative experiences in your relationship.
Key Takeaways
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The first session in marriage counseling varies depending on the therapist’s approach.
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Traditional counseling often involves intake history and therapist-led discussion.
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Imago Relationship Therapy emphasizes structured dialogue and safety between partners.
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Preparing with openness and willingness makes the process far more effective.
Sources
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American Psychological Association. Marriage and Family Therapists: About Marriage and Family Therapists and How They Can Help. APA, 2023.
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Anderson, S. R., & Johnson, L. N. (2010). A Dyadic Analysis of the Influence of Relationship Quality on the Effectiveness of Imago Relationship Therapy. Journal of Family Therapy, 32(3), 307–327.
