Many of you feel like you’re in a boring marriage. Trying to decide what to do about it- if you should stay or go.

It’s a huge decision to make and we don’t want you to make it hastily.

After all, your spouse is a lovely person. He may be a great dad or she’s a great mom. And they love you. They just bore you.

Watch this video for help with a boring marriage

 

Main points covered in the video to help you with a boring marriage

-Respect is huge. It’s not that easy to find someone that is as loving and values you as much as your current spouse.

-What are you comparing your life to?

-Are you actually truly grateful for even the little things?

 


Before you make a decision that is going to impact your and your children’s lives forever, please get some clarity. We’re happy to talk with you by phone to help you get some clarity about what’s been going on and listen to your concerns.

Even if your friends, family, or other therapists are suggesting that you separate or divorce, that doesn’t mean their recommendations are in your best interest.

Here’s a question sent by a reader on this topic of being married to someone “boring”.

I’ve been married for 20 years to a nice, quiet, loyal, financially supportive but extremely boring husband. We are basically roommates. He has no friends and prefers to stay at home and watch TV while I like to go out and socialize. We haven’t been sexually active for years and while I respect him and consider him a friend, I don’t love him. I don’t know if he has any feelings for me as he doesn’t talk about them nor am I interested in finding out. He doesn’t like that I go out on weekends and he probably thinks I’m cheating on him what he never makes an effort to talk about marriage.

We act like everything is fine. I cook and clean for him, we have dinner, talk about politics, work, laugh, etc… My friends say I have a weird marriage. I agree. We are basically living together out of convenience. I’m not interested in going to counseling or in how to save my marriage.  I am interested in different men and am thinking about starting a new life on my own but…here is my challenge.  I am afraid of difficulties that I may encounter financially and emotionally if I leave him , and I can not overcome that fear. I want someone to convince me that I can do it. I am only 43 and I want to have a normal life.

I am curious what attracted you to each other in the first place.

I imagine there was some excitement there for you to commit to marrying him.

I am also curious why you aren’t interested in making the relationship work and saving your marriage by going to counseling or working on the marriage.

It is as almost as if you feel like he will never change.

Yet, the truth is that many couples wind up feeling that they have married complete opposites and when they work on their relationship, both partners are able to stretch and grow so that they can meet each other’s needs and the relationship is enjoyable.

While your husband may tend to be a homebody and you may be more outgoing, it doesn’t necessarily mean that your marriage is doomed to failure.

If you both learn how to ask for what you need and communicate about it, you may be surprised at the exciting changes that could result.

While you may think that there are better men out there, this doesn’t necessarily mean that you won’t have the same issues with a new husband as you do with your current one.

In the romantic stage of relationship we often overlook the faults of our partner. It is only after we commit that we wake up to the reality of our spouse. We talk a lot more about how important Commitment is in our No Blame, No Shame Communication Marriage video training.

I am not judging your decision, only suggesting that you become conscious about why he bothers you so much and why you don’t seem interested in making it work. I am saying this because I don’t want you to pay a fortune in lawyer’s fees only to find someone else with the same issues.

In every relationship, the things that bother us about our spouse are partially about them and mostly about us.

And yet, in your case, it’s so much easier to leave, it seems, especially without having kids together.

The problem is, you may not wind up leaving the pain, because the unconscious agenda of marriage is for growth and healing, “forcing” you to face our own issues that surface when our spouse really pushes our buttons.

Since those are our OWN issues, we are all likely to face them in future relationships.

You will likely become attracted to someone who will push your buttons again.

Marriage is the “unfinished business” of childhood and brings up old hurts and so we wind up with someone who reminds us of those issues so that we can rectify them.

The challenging part is that what we need MOST from our partner is the very thing that is hardest for them to give us.

If we get conscious about the issue and learn how to work together, we can achieve growth and healing. So that boring husband of yours may be a vehicle towards your own growth and you may be crucial to his.

Let us help you explore why your spouse is the right one for you and how the issues that you are facing are exactly what you need to create an even more meaningful relationship.

Our marriage intensives are the quickest way to get clarity about your relationship and to see if it can be salvaged. You can read more about our marriage intensives here at this link.

There’s nothing quite like the power of gaining clarity on a confusing situation. Complete the form below to talk with Rabbi Slatkin to see what he thinks would be best for you and your unique situation.

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