As couples take the next step in their lives into the ‘later stages,’ such as retirement or becoming empty nesters, there’s no doubt their typical day-to-day is going to shift significantly. And while this time can be exciting for couples, it can inevitably cause shifts in relationship dynamics as children leave the home and careers disappear. In addition to causing a shift in the relationship towards the positive, offering more time and space for reconnection, this can also cause couples to drift apart, eventually leading to ‘grey divorce.’
If you and your partner are reaching the point in your lives where change is well on its way and you’re unsure of how to plan ahead to keep your relationship strong and secure, we’re happy to help. Keep reading to discover some of our best advice for navigating the later years in life and preventing that dreaded ‘grey divorce.’
What is ‘Grey Divorce?’
Before we dive into how to keep your relationship thriving, we first need to address the term ‘grey divorce.’ This less common term is often used to refer to divorce that happens late in life, after the kids have flown the nest and couples have retired. It’s during these ‘grey’ years that many couples have reached the point in their lives where they can slow down and spend more time together. And while this can help rekindle a relationship, it can also quickly cause it to fall apart if you’re not careful, leading to ‘grey divorce.’
How to Relight the Spark After Retirement
Once children are grown up and moved out, couples have a unique opportunity to recenter their focus back on one another, almost reminiscent of their early days spent together before having children. While this can be daunting for some couples who have not spent much quality one-on-one time together due to hectic schedules, busy careers, and managing children, it also presents the opportunity to rediscover shared interests and start creating new memories together.
To relight the spark, try new hobbies together, whether it’s traveling somewhere new and exciting or just taking a local cooking class together. This can help foster a deeper connection and rekindle a fading relationship. By prioritizing these experiences together, you can truly nurture your relationship and build a renewed sense of partnership and intimacy together.
Why Personal Growth Prevents Grey Divorce
While it’s crucial to take the time and energy to really focus on rebuilding your relationship, it’s also important to take the time for personal growth and self-discovery. Oftentimes, retirement and an empty nest are the first times couples are experiencing an opportunity to dive into interests and hobbies that they may have put to the side to keep up with day-to-day demands from work and kids.
Take some time for yourself, whether it’s picking up that favorite hobby, trying a new workout routine, or looking for an opportunity to volunteer for a local organization that you love. And while you do, make sure that you support your partner doing the same – this can help foster mutual respect and admiration, creating a healthy, thriving partnership.
How Communication Helps Empty Nest Couples Thrive
Becoming empty nesters and going through retirement is a major life change for any couple. During these life transitions, make sure to focus on communication, keeping things open and honest between you and your spouse. Be clear about feelings, expectations, and any concerns that arise – this will help build a foundation of trust. And when your partner shares, practice active listening and really pay attention to what they have to say. This will naturally foster deeper emotional intimacy and contribute to a continuing, healthy relationship.
The Role of Friends and Community in Later-Life Marriage
One support system that can help you navigate any transition in life, including those in your later days, is your social circle. This is beyond your marriage – it’s your friends, family, and other individuals you interact with on a daily basis. Make sure to take the time to engage with friends, join in on social activities, and reach out to local community groups to keep feelings of belonging and support while also reducing feelings of isolation. This will not only enrich your individual lives, but also will bring fresh perspectives and experiences into your relationship.
When to Seek Professional Help
Sometimes, navigating these exciting life transitions can be more than you can handle on your own. Don’t be afraid to reach out for professional help if you’re feeling lost or stuck, or if you just want a helping hand in guiding you along the right path. A licensed marriage counselor or couples therapist will be able to give you crucial tools and techniques to help you and your spouse address underlying issues and strengthen your bond. If you’re interested in more immediate, one-on-one attention to help navigate this transition, you can also opt to participate in a weekend marriage intensive or try our online marriage counselling programs to really put you back on the right track.
Turning Life’s Next Chapter Into a New Beginning for Your Marriage
There’s no doubt that transitions later in life, such as retirement and becoming empty nesters, can present both challenges and opportunities for any couple. By being proactive and focusing on rekindling your relationship through one-on-one connection, individual growth, focusing on communication, and seeking out help when needed, couples can effectively navigate these changes and reestablish their relationship as a deeply fulfilling and enduring partnership.
FAQ: Preventing Grey Divorce
- What causes grey divorce?
Often it’s loss of connection after kids leave home, retirement shifts, or long-standing issues that resurface. - How can couples avoid divorce later in life?
By prioritizing connection, communication, shared activities, and seeking counseling when needed. - Is marriage counseling effective for empty nesters?
Yes—structured guidance helps couples rediscover their bond and navigate new life transitions. - What is the biggest risk for couples after retirement?
Loss of identity or purpose, which can create distance between partners.
Key Takeaways: How to Prevent Grey Divorce
- Prioritize one-on-one time after kids leave home.
- Explore hobbies and personal growth for both partners.
- Communicate openly during major life transitions.
- Maintain friendships and community for balance.
- Seek help early—counseling or retreats can re-center your marriage.
Sources
Brown, S. L., & Lin, I. F. (2012). The Gray Divorce Revolution: Rising Divorce Among Middle-Aged and Older Adults, 1990–2010. Journals of Gerontology.
Cohen, J., & Finzi-Dottan, R. (2012). Post-Retirement Adjustment in Couples: The Role of Marital Quality. Aging & Mental Health.
American Psychological Association. Maintaining Healthy Relationships in Later Life
