Marriage Intensives & Online Counseling | Imago Therapy โ€“ The Marriage Restoration Project

Marriage Counseling Specializing in Affair Recovery

If youโ€™ve just discovered your spouse had an affair, youโ€™re likely feeling overwhelmedโ€”hurt, betrayed, angry, confused, or even ashamed. Whether you had the affair or your partner did, youโ€™ve landed here because youโ€™re looking for marriage counseling specializing in affair recovery.

First, know this: there is hope.

Healing after infidelity is one of the hardest emotional journeys a couple can faceโ€”but it is possible. Weโ€™ve helped many couples recover after an affair, and we want you to know that youโ€™re not alone. You can get through this. Your relationship can heal, even if it feels impossible right now.

Let us walk you through the exact steps we recommend when infidelity is discovered.

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Step 1: Ground Yourself

Before you make any big decisions, take a deep breath. You’re likely in shock. Your emotions may feel like theyโ€™re spinning out of controlโ€”rage, sadness, panic, numbness. This is normal.

โœฆ Pause before reacting. You may want to lash out, confront, or leave immediately. But give yourself space. What you say or do now can shape the healing process moving forward.

โœฆ Avoid making irreversible decisions right away. Right now is about stabilizing emotionally so you can think clearly.

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Step 2: Make Sure the Affair Has Stopped

True healing can’t begin until the affairโ€”emotional or physicalโ€”has ended. Continuing the outside relationship, even with emotional ties, makes rebuilding trust impossible.

โœฆ If you’re the betrayed partner: Ask directly if the affair is over. If not, rebuilding canโ€™t begin until that exit is fully closed.

โœฆ If you’re the partner who had the affair: You must be willing to end all contact and show your spouse that you are emotionally invested in repairing the marriage.

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Step 3: Begin Open and Honest Communication

Once the affair is over, itโ€™s time to begin a process of disclosure and understanding.

โœฆ The betrayed spouse gets to ask questions. They deserve answers that help them make sense of what happened.

โœฆ The partner who had the affair must be prepared to offer truthful, compassionate responsesโ€”even if itโ€™s uncomfortable.

This phase is not about shaming or blaming. It’s about rebuilding safety. And yes, these conversations may need to happen more than once. Thatโ€™s okay.

Need support navigating these conversations? Consider infidelity counseling to guide the process safely.

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Step 4: Express and Validate Emotions

Infidelity is a trauma. Both partners will have strong emotionsโ€”and all of them need space.

โœฆ The betrayed partner must have the chance to express their hurt, grief, anger, and fearsโ€”and be heard.

โœฆ The partner who had the affair must listen without defensiveness and acknowledge the pain they caused.

โœฆ Real validation means saying, โ€œI understand how much I hurt you,โ€ instead of, โ€œBut you werenโ€™t meeting my needs either.โ€

This is the foundation of trust repair.

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Step 5: Make Amends and Recommit

The partner who broke the trust must take accountabilityโ€”not just once, but through consistent actions over time.

โœฆ Offer heartfelt apologies.
โœฆ Ask for forgiveness without rushing or demanding it.
โœฆ Demonstrate change with behaviors that help the hurt partner feel secure, seen, and loved.

This could mean regularly checking in, being emotionally available, or offering more transparency. These new patterns of safety are essential for rebuilding trust.

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Step 6: Explore What Led to the Affair (When Youโ€™re Ready)

Once the emotional intensity starts to ease, itโ€™s time to examine why the affair happenedโ€”not to justify it, but to understand the deeper disconnection.

โœฆ Was there emotional distance?
โœฆ Were there unmet needs or unresolved resentments?
โœฆ Had you stopped prioritizing your marriage?

These conversations can be painful, but theyโ€™re necessary to avoid repeating the same patterns. We walk couples through this phase in our 2-Day Private Marriage Retreat, where we get to the root of the rupture and help rebuild emotional intimacy.

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Step 7: Rebuild Together

Once the pain has been acknowledged and trust is being restored, itโ€™s time to rebuild the relationship intentionally.

This might involve:

โœฆ Learning new ways to connect emotionally
โœฆ Creating fresh rituals of closeness
โœฆ Reintroducing physical and sexual intimacy when ready
โœฆ Making time for joy and shared purpose again

We call this phase infusing the marriage with love, and itโ€™s a core part of our 5 Step Plan to a Happy Marriage.

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Should You Stay or Leave After an Affair?

Only you can answer this question. Itโ€™s normal to feel like walking away. Itโ€™s also normal to want to try, especially if children are involved or thereโ€™s still love between you.

Hereโ€™s what weโ€™ll say:

โœฆ Affair recovery is possible. Many couples come out stronger.
โœฆ You donโ€™t have to decide right away. Focus on healing firstโ€”then decide what you want for the future.
โœฆ Get support. Dealing with a cheating spouse is one of the hardest emotional challengesโ€”and you shouldnโ€™t go through it alone.


Additional Resources on Affair Recovery:


You can get through this. It may not be quick or easy, but with the right support, healing is possibleโ€”and your relationship can be restored.

If youโ€™re ready to take the first step, we invite you to explore our infidelity counseling programs or private marriage retreats.

Picture of Shlomo & Rivka Slatkin

Shlomo & Rivka Slatkin

Rabbi Shlomo Slatkin is an Imago relationship therapist and certified (master level) Imago workshop presenter with over 20 years of experience hosting couples therapy retreats in-person and online.

Picture of Shlomo & Rivka Slatkin

Shlomo & Rivka Slatkin

Rabbi Shlomo Slatkin is an Imago relationship therapist and certified (master level) Imago workshop presenter with over 20 years of experience hosting couples therapy retreats in-person and online.

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