Most couples start searching for a marriage counselor by typing “marriage counseling near me” or checking who takes their insurance. But here’s the truth:

Not every therapist who advertises “couples counseling” is trained—or qualified—to save a marriage.

In fact, many therapists receive little to no formal training in couples therapy, even though they list it as a service. And an unskilled marriage counselor can unintentionally make things worse.

Below is what to look for — and what to avoid — so you can find a marriage counselor who truly knows how to help.

Why Finding the Right Marriage Counselor Matters

If you needed brain surgery, you wouldn’t choose a doctor who “once took a course on the brain.”
Yet couples do the equivalent all the time by hiring therapists with minimal or outdated training.

Couples therapy is one of the most complex forms of therapy because:

• you are treating two nervous systems, not one

• conflict patterns are deeply ingrained

• the emotional stakes are extremely high

• trauma, attachment wounds, and childhood patterns often surface

• therapists must manage reactivity, regulation, and connection simultaneously

This requires specialized skills, not general mental-health training.

What to Look for in a Good Marriage Counselor

1. Make sure they are fully licensed

Your therapist should be a licensed:

• LCPC

• LMFT

• LCSW

• Psychologist

• or similar

Anyone can call themselves a “relationship coach.”
A license ensures professional standards, ethics, and accountability.

2. Choose someone trained SPECIFICALLY in couples therapy

This is the #1 most important factor and the one most couples never check.

Look for advanced training in modalities such as:

• Imago Relationship Therapy (our specialty)

• Gottman Method

• Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)

• PACT

• RLT (Relational Life Therapy)

A therapist who truly specializes in couples treatment will have:
✔ hundreds of hours of training
✔ supervision from experts
✔ continuing education

3. Look for experience—not just credentials

Ask:

• How long have you been working with couples?

• What percentage of your caseload is couples?

• Do you have experience with high-conflict couples?

• Have you worked with couples on the brink of divorce?

A therapist who sees 90% individuals and 10% couples is not a marriage specialist.

4. Check for real testimonials and third-party validation

A trustworthy marriage counselor should have:

• case studies

• referrals from clergy or community leaders

• long-standing professional memberships

• recognizable credentials

This shows not only experience but outcomes.

5. Make sure they stay active in professional development

Couples therapy evolves. What was standard 20 years ago is outdated today.

Ask:

• Are you current with continuing-education credits?

• Are you involved in professional marriage therapy organizations?

• Do you receive ongoing supervision or consultation?

Someone who hasn’t updated their skills in decades is unlikely to help a modern couple navigate today’s relational challenges.

6. Don’t choose based on insurance coverage alone

Most highly trained couples therapists do not take insurance.

Why?

Because insurance doesn’t reimburse well for couples therapy, and specialists invest tens of thousands of dollars into advanced training.

You can find someone on your insurance panel — but they are rarely the most specialized or effective.

Investing in the right therapist may save your marriage … and cost far less than divorce.

Red Flags: Signs You Should NOT Work With a Counselor

Avoid a therapist who:

🚫 Takes sides
🚫 Allows sessions to turn into arguments
🚫 Focuses on “communication tips” without deep work
🚫 Encourages separation too quickly
🚫 Says “try individual therapy first”
🚫 Spends time analyzing who’s right or wrong
🚫 Doesn’t give structure, safety, or tools
🚫 Has no formal couples-therapy training

Many couples have left sessions feeling worse — not because their marriage can’t be saved, but because the therapist wasn’t trained to save it.

How to Know If You Found the Right Fit

A skilled marriage counselor will make you feel:

• safe

• heard

• understood

• hopeful

• guided

• supported

• connected

They should help you regulate conflict, not escalate it.

Within the first 1–2 sessions, you should feel:

• structure

• clarity

• forward movement

• relief

• emotional safety

If you feel blamed, judged, or confused — keep looking.

FAQ: What People Search When Trying to Choose a Marriage Counselor

1. How do I know if a marriage counselor is good?

Check licensing, specialized couples-therapy training, years of experience, and testimonials.

2. Should a couples therapist take sides?

Never. A good therapist protects the relationship, not one partner.

3. Is it OK to ask about their training?

Yes — any professional therapist will welcome these questions.

4. What type of counseling is most effective for couples?

Research shows Imago, EFT, Gottman Method, and PACT have the strongest outcomes.

5. Is online marriage counseling effective?

Yes—if the therapist specializes in couples work. Intensives and workshops work exceptionally well online.

Sources

1. Gottman Institute. What makes couples therapy effective.

2. Johnson, S. (EFT Founder). Attachment science and couple healing.

3. Imago Relationships International. Standards for Imago-trained therapists.

4. AAMFT (American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy). Competencies and training guidelines.

5. APA. Why couples therapy requires specialized training.