By Rabbi Shlomo Slatkin, LCPC, Founder of The Marriage Restoration Project
When couples contact me in a state of crisis, they often say something like,
โWe canโt talk without arguing,โ
โWeโre walking on eggshells,โ or
โEverything turns into a fight.โ
Theyโre not alone.
In moments of relational breakdown, communication becomes one of the first casualtiesโand yet itโs the very thing that can begin to repair whatโs broken.
This is why effective communication during relationship crisis is at the heart of everything I teach. Itโs not about having the perfect words. Itโs about knowing how to stay emotionally safe, grounded, and connectedโeven when things feel like theyโre falling apart.
I developed my 5-Step Plan to a Happy Marriage to give couples a clear path to restoring connection. This isnโt theoryโitโs the exact process my wife and I used when our own marriage hit a breaking point. Now, weโve shared it with thousands of couples whoโve rebuilt their relationships from a place of pain, silence, or near-divorce.
๐ Step 1: Get Honest About Whatโs Not Working
The first step toward effective communication during relationship crisis is courageous honesty. That doesnโt mean blaming or shamingโit means being willing to gently name whatโs not working.
Many couples avoid tough conversations for fear of making things worse. But silence breeds resentment. The key is how you communicate.
Ask yourself:
- Am I sharing from a place of truth or reactivity?
- Am I saying what I feelโor what I think theyโre doing wrong?
๐๏ธ Tip: Use phrases like
โI feel disconnected when we donโt check in after work.โ
โIโve been holding back a lot because I donโt want to cause more stress.โ
๐ Step 2: Create Emotional Safety First
Before you can connect, you need to feel safeโand so does your spouse. Without emotional safety, every word becomes a potential threat.
Ways to increase safety:
- Speak in a calm, respectful tone
- Avoid bringing up issues when either of you is hungry, tired, or overwhelmed
- Create a space where both of you can express yourselves without interruption
If youโre already too activated, take a pauseโa walk, a breath, or 20 minutes of quiet can make all the difference.
Discover how we create emotional safety in our 2-Day Marriage Retreats
๐ Step 3: Speak From the Heart, Not the Heat
So many couples I work with have learned to talk at each other instead of with each other. Real connection comes from vulnerabilityโnot criticism.
Instead of:
โYou never listen to me!โ
Try:
โI feel invisible when Iโm talking and I donโt get a response.โ
This isnโt just semantics. Vulnerable communication disarms defensiveness and invites compassion.
There’s a reason that one of the most effective ways to start talking this way requires an “appointment.” Ask for a convenient time so that you don’t catch your partner off guard.
๐ Step 4: Rebuild Connection One Conversation at a Time
Communication is not just about problem-solving. Itโs about building trust, day by day.
Even during a relationship crisis, you can make space for moments of connection:
- Daily 10-minute check-ins
- Expressions of appreciation (โThank you for making coffee todayโ)
- Physical touch or eye contact that says, โIโm still hereโ
Remember: you donโt need to fix everything in one conversation. The goal is consistency, not perfection.
๐ Step 5: Commit to Doing the WorkโTogether
Communication during a crisis canโt be one-sided. Both partners must be willing to show up, even if it feels awkward or slow at first.
I often tell couples:
โItโs not about whoโs right. Itโs about whatโs going to help you feel close again.โ
Whether thatโs working through the 5 steps together, getting coaching, or attending a retreat, itโs the commitment to showing up that builds momentum.
๐ ๏ธ Start simple:
- Download our free plan
- Choose one step to focus on this week
- Talk about how you want to grow togetherโnot just whatโs broken
Your Marriage Doesnโt Have to End in Silence
Conflict doesnโt mean your relationship is over. It means something needs to changeโand communication is the first place to start.
The truth is, effective communication during relationship crisis is a skill. One you can learn. One that can reconnect you, reignite empathy, and help you both feel seen again.
You donโt have to do it alone. You donโt have to guess at what works.
โ Take the Next Step:
Thereโs hope. Thereโs help. And thereโs a path forwardโeven in crisis.
With warmth and faith in your healing,
โ Rabbi Shlomo Slatkin, LCPC
Founder, The Marriage Restoration Project