Wondering if couples counseling helps, or if therapy can hurt your relationship? Counseling can help you and your partner improve your relationship in most cases. Your attitude, the capabilities and experience of your therapist, and the method in which you and your partner are counseled are all important factors. Couples counseling can open up a can of worms, addressing issues that may have been swept under the carpet for years. If not handled delicately by a skilled professional, it can actually make your marriage worse. You’ve been managing until now (maybe not very successfully) but the frustration you’re feeling about getting professional counseling that doesn’t work can make it even worse. Good quality counseling can help, and we’re going to help guide you through the process. Contact us online now to request a consultation or ask a question or call (443) 645-0630.
Checklist for successful counseling
If you expect relationship counseling to work, ensure these essentials are met. Think of them as prerequisites on your journey to relationship improvement through professional counseling, without which you are setting yourself up for failure. Couples counseling can help, provided the following conditions:
- You have a well rated therapist with experience counseling couples seeking to improve their relationships
- The therapist you select must never take sides or allow you or your partner to blame each other
- All parties (you, your partner, and the counselor or therapist) must be willing to put in the work it takes to get to the real root cause of your relationship problems
Your therapist has advanced training an experience working with couples– You wouldn’t go to your general practitioner for brain surgery, so why would you go to a therapist you find online who doesn’t specialize in working with couples? While you may be able to save a little money on a therapist that is not as experienced with couples therapy, in the long run you’ll be paying much more in lawyer fees if your marriage doesn’t work. Weigh the cost of the emotional toll as well. Do your research and be confident that you chose the best relationship therapist that has the training and the know how to deal with your unique situation.
Your therapist will not take sides– For the success of your experience, it is crucial to have a safe atmosphere where neither party is blamed or shamed. If one feels on the defensive, he/she is not likely to trust the therapist, nor be open to what the other spouse has to say.
Most Effective Couples Counseling.
The most effective therapy for couples helps couples see each other and themselves as they truly are, deals with the underlying cause of outward problems, and fosters calm and respectful communication so all parties feel safe.
Deal with the root cause of relationship issues– Every relationship has issues and if you spend all of your time trying to see who is right or wrong, you’ll get nowhere. Couples counseling that helps will enable you to discover the underlying issues that are contributing to your conflict. Instead of putting a band-aid on the problem, you’ll treat the issue at the root. You’ll want a therapist that can help you do that.
Have safe conversations.– If you are talking to the therapist about each other or are yelling and screaming at each other, therapy will likely be unhelpful. It is important for couples to learn how to have safe conversations so that issues can be dealt with in a structured fashion where one spouse learns how to talk to and listen to the other.
Focus on positivity. While you’ll undoubtedly focus on the problems in the relationship, good couples counseling will also help you cultivate an attitude of gratitude, training you to look for what’s right in the relationship. This does wonders to short circuit the negativity and take you back to the positive connection that may be buried under years of hurt and resentment.
Contact Our Therapists for Relationship Help
There’s nothing quite like the power of gaining clarity on a confusing situation. Complete the form below to talk with Rabbi Slatkin to see what he thinks would be best for you and your unique relationship situation. We’ll have an honest talk and see what type of counseling is best to help you achieve marital bliss, whether it be an intensive retreat, online counseling, or a combination. Our main counseling office is in Baltimore, and we also have one in NYC and Jersey City, New Jersey for couples that want counseling nearby in those areas. We look forward to helping you!