Everywhere from Reddit threads to dinner table debates, people ask: “Are soulmates real — or just a romantic myth?”
As a Rabbi and psychotherapist, I see this question come up often in my work with couples. From an Imago Relationship Therapy perspective, the answer isn’t as simple as yes or no. In many ways, soulmates are real — just not in the fairy-tale way we often imagine.
If you’re reading this because you’re questioning your marriage, know this: feeling stuck doesn’t mean you chose wrong. It means the real work of love is beginning. With the right tools, you can feel like soulmates again.
Soulmates vs. Real Life Marriage
On Reddit, you’ll find couples asking: “What if I married the wrong person?” or “If we fight all the time, does that mean we’re not soulmates?”
Imago Therapy offers a different lens:
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Attraction isn’t random. We’re drawn to people who mirror both the strengths and the flaws of our childhood caretakers .
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Marriage is unfinished business. The struggles you face as adults often echo the wounds you carry from childhood.
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Conflict doesn’t mean you chose wrong. In fact, conflict may be the biggest clue that you picked exactly the right person — the one uniquely positioned to help you heal.
So while your soulmate may not feel perfect, they are the person who can help complete the parts of you that feel unfinished.
Signs You Might Be With Your Soulmate
From an Imago perspective, these are red flags that you’re not “in the wrong marriage,” but rather in the right one facing necessary challenges:
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Your partner triggers strong emotions tied to old wounds.
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You repeat the same fights that feel oddly tailor-made to your history.
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You sense that no one else could hurt you — or heal you — quite like they can.
In other words, your soulmate isn’t the person who never hurts you. They’re the person who brings your deepest growth opportunities to the surface.
Comparison: Soulmate Myth vs. Imago Reality
| Romantic Myth | Imago Reality |
|---|---|
| Soulmates are perfect matches, conflict-free. | Soulmates bring up conflict that reflects childhood wounds. |
| You “just know” and it stays easy. | Romantic love fades; conflict begins the real work. |
| If it feels hard, they’re not the one. | If it feels hard, it may mean you picked the right one for healing. |
Key Takeaways
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Conflict ≠ wrong partner. It’s often a sign you chose the right person for growth.
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Soulmates are made, not found. Relationships deepen when couples face challenges consciously.
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Healing is the goal. The purpose of marriage isn’t endless romance, but repair and wholeness.
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Work is required. Safe dialogue and empathy turn conflict into connection.
FAQs
Can you have more than one soulmate?
Yes. Soulmates aren’t limited to one mythical person. They are the partners who activate your growth at different points in life.
Does fighting mean I married the wrong person?
Not necessarily. In Imago, fighting often means you’ve chosen someone who mirrors unresolved childhood needs — and therefore gives you the best chance to heal. .
How can I feel like soulmates again?
By practicing safe communication (like the Imago Dialogue), rebuilding trust, and reframing conflict as an opportunity, couples often rediscover deeper love than in the early romantic stage.
Sources
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Hendrix, H., & Hunt, H. L. (2005). Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples. Henry Holt.
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Luquet, W. (1996). Short-Term Couples Therapy: The Imago Model in Action. Routledge.
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Snyder, D. K., Baucom, D. H., & Gordon, K. C. (2007). Getting Past the Affair. Guilford Press.
