People ask me this a lot – sometimes quietly, sometimes hoping I’ll say yes. “Do marriage counselors ever advise to break up?”
I do know that many marriage counselors do. I personally do not. Ever.
I don’t feel that it’s my job to tell a couple if they should or should not stay together.
My belief is, if you chose each other – even if it was years ago, even if things feel disconnected now – I trust that your choice was real. Something meaningful brought you together. I honor that. And I don’t mess with it.
Even in secular marriage counseling – where there’s no religious framework telling you to stay – my approach stays the same:
I don’t tell couples to split up. That’s not my role, and it never has been.
I Don’t Take Sides. I Don’t Give Up.
When couples come to me – whether it’s for weekly therapy or an intensive marriage counseling retreat – I’m not here to play referee or pick a winner. I don’t view one partner as the problem and the other as the victim.
The relationship is the client.
That’s how I work.
I focus on what’s happening between you – the dynamics, the patterns, the ways you’ve lost connection. And I focus on helping you find your way back.
Because here’s what I’ve seen again and again:
Even couples who are hanging on by a thread can shift – quickly – when they feel safe enough to stop the cycle of blame and really hear each other.
That’s what we do in a couples therapy weekend or private retreat.
We slow things down.
We create emotional safety.
And we help you access a level of understanding that’s been buried under years of frustration.
What If One Person Has Already Checked Out?
This is a common concern. One partner wants to save the marriage, while the other is emotionally gone — or at least unsure if it’s worth the fight.
Even in those situations, I don’t ever say, “You should end this.”
Instead, I invite both partners to share where they really are. No pressure. No blame. Just honest conversation in a structured, safe setting.
Sometimes, that leads to powerful breakthroughs. I’ve seen people “wake up” emotionally and reconnect in ways they never thought possible.
And sometimes, it becomes clear that the relationship is no longer the right path. If that’s the case, I support couples in consciously uncoupling – especially when children are involved – with as much care and mutual respect as possible.
But again, that’s their decision – not mine.
Why I Never Advise Separation
It’s simple: I respect the bond you chose.
If you once stood together and said yes to a life with this person – in whatever way you defined that commitment – I believe there was a reason for it. That matters. Even in the toughest seasons.
So no, I don’t recommend divorce.
I help couples slow down the noise and gain real tools so they can really see what’s going on from a birds eye view- and make choices they won’t regret.
What Happens During an Intensive Marriage Counseling Retreat?
When couples join me for an intensive weekend, we compress six months of therapy into two focused days.
It’s not a band-aid or a motivational speech. It’s deep work – structured conversation, healing dialogue, and practical tools to help you understand each other again.
For couples who are busy, on the edge, or unsure if there’s anything left to save, this kind of intensive marriage counseling format offers clarity – fast.
We’re not interested in dragging things out.
We’re interested in transformation.
And most of all, we’re interested in helping you reconnect to the reason you chose each other in the first place.
Final Thought
So, do I ever tell couples to break up?
No.
Because I don’t believe in throwing away something sacred without understanding it.
Because I trust that if you once chose each other, there’s wisdom in that choice.
And because I’ve seen what’s possible when two people are willing to lean in – even when it feels like all hope is lost.
Whether you join me for a couples therapy weekend, an intensive marriage counseling retreat, or ongoing work together, my goal is always the same:
To help you get to the truth – not in judgment, but in love.
And to walk with you toward healing, whatever that looks like.
– Shlomo
