In any relationship or marriage, no matter how strong or how long you’ve been together, there are bumps in the road that can arise. This can especially be the case for couples in which one spouse suffers from anxiety or insecurity about themselves or the relationship. Some insecurities may be founded in reality, such as rebuilding following infidelity. However, they can also stem from other issues within the relationship or within the individual suffering them that need to be addressed.
And while coping with insecurity can be a challenge for the suffering spouse, it can also be just as stressful for the other partner who is helping them navigate through it. This is due to the insecure partner’s need for constant reassurance about themselves and the relationship. Oftentimes, the other spouse feels trapped in the cycle of constant reassurance, losing themselves and their emotional capacity along the way.
While providing support is an essential part of marriage, it’s also important to find a balance between reassuring your insecure partner and preserving your own mental health and individuality throughout the process. If you are coping with an insecure partner in your marriage and not sure what to do next, we’re happy to help. Keep reading to discover some of our tried-and-true tips for navigating insecure spouses without losing yourself in the process.
Conscious Communication is Key
Communication is one of the most important parts of any relationship. When coping with a spouse who is insecure, it’s crucial to both actively listen and respond carefully and consciously in any conversation, especially those surrounding the insecurity. If your partner expresses their insecurity to you, offer validation for their feelings without immediately jumping in to try to solve the issue. Using affirming statements such as, “I hear that you’re feeling unsure about this, and I understand why that may be hard for you,” will help reassure your spouse that their emotions are being acknowledged. It can also then stimulate a deeper, more constructive conversation that can facilitate healing from insecurity.
Keep an Eye Out for Patterns
When someone is dealing with insecurities, they often have certain situations that act as triggers. These triggers can stem from past relationships, childhood traumas or other personal struggles. As a spouse of an individual coping with insecurities, you effectively have first-hand experience of when these insecurities arise, making you the perfect person to spot what might be triggering them. Do they get insecure when you spend time with friends? Or is it stemming from something with work? By identifying their triggers, you can effectively move closer to figuring out how to overcome the insecurity together.
Take the Time to Encourage Their Growth
While offering reassurance to your partner is important, there’s some truth to the saying that, “True healing comes from within.” Encourage your spouse to explore their own sense of self-worth, through activities that boost their confidence. This will help reinforce that their value is a part of who they are as a person rather than something that needs to be constantly validated by someone else.
Don’t Be Afraid to Set Boundaries
Supporting your spouse shouldn’t come at the cost of your own mental health. Protect yourself from emotional exhaustion and burnout by setting (and keeping!) healthy boundaries. This can be as simple as asking that they not seek reassurance while eating dinner together or respecting your alone time that you spend focusing on your hobbies. Your spouse may push back with more reassurance-seeking behavior, but gently communicate your limits and stick to them. This will help you feel more secure in providing support for your partner without being solely responsible for carrying the weight of their emotions.
Spend More Time Together
One aspect of insecurity in relationships that is often overlooked is that it may arise from not spending enough quality, one-on-one time together. Think back to any relationship you’ve had where your partner just can’t seem to make time for you – did you feel valued? Supported? Seen? It may be that you’re not spending enough time fostering true connection between the two of you and that you need to reset and reprioritize your relationship. Taking the time to simply be together can rebuild connection and reestablish the value that you see in your partner in their eyes.
Spend Some Time Apart
While spending more quality time together can be very helpful in overcoming the challenge of insecurity, spending some time apart may be something that you need in order to maintain your own sanity and mental health. This ties back to setting healthy boundaries, in that you also need to make space for yourself. By spending time alone and indulging in a little self-care or your favorite hobbies, you can effectively help yourself show up at your best and brightest to support your partner through the challenging process of navigating their insecurity.
Ask for Help If You Need It
While it may seem like reaching out for help is essentially giving up, it can’t be farther from the truth. In any relationship, having guidance to help you navigate the tumultuous ups and downs can help set you up for long-term success and foster emotional security. By reaching out to a licensed marriage counselor or professional couples therapist, you can tap into their expertise and experience to help guide you along this tricky path. You don’t have to do it alone!
Overcoming Insecurity: Building a Stronger, More Trusting Marriage
Dealing with insecurity in any relationship can be a stressful and emotionally draining process. By reopening lines of communication, keeping an eye out for patterns, encouraging their growth and setting healthy boundaries, you can set yourself and your partner up for long-term success and a lasting, loving marriage. And if you’re feeling stuck, don’t be afraid to reach out to a professional to help you navigate this challenging path and put you back on the right track towards rekindling your marriage.
