When you or your partner are working a high-stress job or consistently coping with high-stress situations, such as providing long-term care for an aging parent, it’s easy to fall into burnout. From losing so much of our daily time and energy to these tasks or experiencing continual stress from repeating the same tasks day after day, so many things can contribute to burnout. And whether it’s a feeling of being hopelessly overwhelmed, a constant state of anxiety, or lack of any feeling at all, burnout can place added strain on any partnership and marriage. This can be the case if just one partner is experiencing the unfortunate effects of burnout or if both are experiencing it.
If you’ve been considering ways to support your partner through stages of burnout, you’ve already taken the first step towards reconciliation and rebuilding your relationship. Realizing that burnout is a hurdle that you must overcome together is often the most difficult part of the process. Once you realize that this barrier is in place, there are certain steps that you can take to support your partner and encourage them to break free from the burnout. Here is what we’d recommend doing to work through the effects of burnout.
Reframe the Problem
Oftentimes, when our partners become withdrawn and distant, it’s easy to start to feel some resentfulness or hopelessness, as we are inclined to think that we are the problem and what they’re upset about. Take a step back and recognize that you may not be the issue in the relationship or contributing to it – it’s their burnout. Once you recognize this problem, reframe it together as a hurdle that you must overcome as partners. After all, you’re on the same team!
Be an Active Listener
For many experiencing burnout, simply lending a sympathetic ear can help ease some of the burden. If your partner feels like discussing their work and how they’re feeling, ask questions and allow them to answer at their own pace. This can be as simple as asking, “What did you enjoy about your day today?” or “Is there anything that happened at work today that you’d like another unbiased opinion on?” Let your partner answer with as little or as much as they’d like to give them the space that they need to speak, and make sure to actively listen and respond appropriately.
But Don’t Overstep
Sometimes, the last thing your burned-out partner wants to do is share what’s happening at work when they get home. If this is the truth about your significant other, make sure to give them space if they do not want to talk about it. Asking questions can contribute to their stress and intensify their feelings of burnout. Sometimes, allowing them the space they need to relax and decompress when they get home is the perfect amount of support.
Offer Them Reassurance
Many times, when an individual is experiencing burnout, they’ll begin to feel hopeless in other aspects of their life, including their marriage. Counter this negative thought spin by providing reassurance that you are with them at every step of the process. Little reminders here and there that give them support and show that you love them, no matter what life brings, will help keep them on the right track to work their way out of burnout.
Set Up a Safe Space at Home
In today’s modern digital age, it’s easy to not be able to turn off work when you get home at the end of your day. If this is the case for you or your partner, take the time to reset and reframe your home as a safe space away from the hustle and bustle of work. Whether this is muting your work notifications or turning off your phone entirely, creating this barrier can help build back time and space for rest and relaxation. Even if you are not the partner in your relationship actively experiencing burnout, having your work phone out or doing work at home while your partner at home can be triggering, too.
Make Time for Rest, Relaxation and Recreation
With so much focus placed on work and the hustle and bustle of everyday life, it’s easy to get caught up in the motions and forget to reset. This is especially true with couples that are experiencing burnout. Make sure that you actively create time to rest and relax, either alone or together. In addition, reserve time for hobbies and recreational activities to give your lives enrichment and keep both minds and bodies active.
Get Expert Assistance
If you’ve reached the point in your relationship where the stress and burnout seems to be too much to overcome alone, seeking out the assistance of a professional marriage counselor or licensed marriage therapist might be the right step to take. These individuals are well-versed in this area and can help offer you the help and guidance that you need for you and your partner to get back on the right track. Together, you can work with a couples counselor in weekly sessions or attend a weekend couples retreat to help build back your relationship and nip the burnout in the bud.
Overcoming Relationship Burnout Together
With so many couples, continual high-stress environments and high-stress jobs can lead to eventual burnout and hopelessness. If you’ve identified this hurdle in your relationship, you’ve already taken the first step towards overcoming it. By then working to reframe the problem, providing support for your partner, setting up a safe space at home and seeking out assistance from a licensed marriage therapist, you can get your relationship back on the right track and defeat burnout hand-in-hand.
