By Jennifer Hargrave, Divorce Attorney and Advocate for Peaceful Resolution
When a marriage is in crisis, the emotional weight can feel unbearable. You may be overwhelmed, stuck in painful patterns, and wondering if divorce is the only option left. As a family law attorney who has walked alongside many individuals through some of their most difficult hours, I know the devastation that can come from a toxic, high-conflict divorce. But I also know that it doesn’t have to be that way.
Before you move toward ending your marriage, I encourage you to consider a path that fosters healing, whether your marriage ultimately survives or not. That path begins with conscious communication and emotional insight—and one of the most effective tools I’ve seen for this is Imago Relationship Therapy.
Why Try Imago Therapy Before Divorce?
Imago Therapy, as Rabbi Slatkin teaches and lives, isn’t just another couples counseling approach. It’s a transformational process that helps couples shift from blame and defensiveness into empathy, connection, and understanding.
When couples begin to see their conflict not as a sign of failure, but as a cry for deeper connection, something profound happens. Even in marriages that do not ultimately reconcile, engaging in Imago Therapy can:
- Reduce emotional reactivity and increase clarity for both spouses.
- Foster compassion, which is especially important if you’ll be co-parenting.
- Break destructive patterns that may be unconsciously repeated in future relationships.
- Prepare the ground for a more peaceful, less adversarial separation, should that become necessary.
- Provide valuable relationship skills, for use in other relationships such as parent-child, and business relationships.
For couples who need a focused, immersive space to work through their challenges, a private marriage intensive can provide the concentrated time and expert guidance needed to break through longstanding issues. Led by licensed marriage counselor Rabbi Shlomo Slatkin, these two-day intensives offer a powerful opportunity to reconnect, rebuild trust, and decide — with clarity and care — whether your marriage can be restored or whether it’s time to part ways with compassion.
In my practice, I’ve seen firsthand how preparing for divorce by strengthening your communication skills, with each person working on their own “stuff,” can pave the way for a much more constructive divorce process. Imago Therapy is an incredible resource for all couples, including those deciding to divorce.
If Divorce Becomes Inevitable—Choose a Collaborative Approach
If, after deep and honest work, the marriage cannot be restored, you still have a choice in how you divorce.
The traditional courtroom battle—complete with depositions, subpoenas, and public hearings—is emotionally and financially costly. Worse, it often leaves permanent scars, particularly for children caught in the crossfire.
That’s why I advocate for solution-centered divorce processes, like Collaborative Divorce and Mediation.
What Is Collaborative Divorce?
Collaborative Divorce is a structured, non-adversarial process that allows couples to reach mutually beneficial agreements with the help of trained professionals. Each spouse has their own attorney, but instead of “fighting it out,” the entire team—including mental health and financial experts—works together to find solutions that serve the whole family.
Benefits include:
- Preserving dignity and respect, even in separation.
- Greater control over the outcome—you’re not leaving your life in the hands of a judge.
- Confidentiality—the process happens outside of court.
- More peaceful co-parenting relationships, which is one of the greatest gifts you can give your children.
Mediation: Another Peaceful Path
Mediation is another method of dispute resolution that is often mandated by courts because it is effective at helping divorcing couples reach a binding settlement agreement. In mediation, a neutral third-party “mediator” will assist the couple in settling the disputed issues – which could involve the property division, spousal and child support payments post-divorce, and other child-related issues. The benefits of mediation include:
- Control over the outcome;
- Confidentiality of the process;
- Flexible solutions tailored to the needs of your family; and
- Closure – when a settlement is reached, the disputes are settled.
You Deserve Clarity—Not Chaos
Divorce is not just a legal process—it’s a deeply emotional and spiritual one. Whether you’re still holding on to hope for restoration or facing the end of your marriage with sorrow and resolve, you deserve a process that honors your values, your family, and your future.
I’m deeply grateful for Rabbi Slatkin and the Marriage Restoration Project’s mission. His work provides the kind of hope and healing that every couple in crisis needs to encounter. And if the marriage does end, it can end with wisdom, compassion, and intention—not warfare.
Final Thoughts
Before you say “I want a divorce,” ask yourself:
- Have I done everything I can to truly understand my partner’s experience?
- Have I given myself space and support to make this decision from clarity, not pain?
- Am I choosing a divorce process that aligns with who I am and who I want to be?
Whatever path you choose, let it be one that brings peace—not just an end.
Jennifer Hargrave is a family law attorney and founder of Hargrave Family Law in Dallas, Texas. She is committed to helping individuals navigate divorce with dignity and strategy, and believes that peaceful resolution is always worth pursuing. More information and resources about divorce are available on www.HargraveFamilyLaw.com.
