Podcast Episode: Can This Marriage Be Saved?
If you’re an adult child of divorce—or you’re married to someone who is—you may have wondered: “Do we come to the table with fewer resources than couples from intact families?”
This episode tackles that question head-on. While growing up with divorced parents can create unique challenges in marriage, it doesn’t mean your relationship is doomed. With the right awareness and tools, adult children of divorce can build strong, thriving marriages.
🎧 Listen to the full episode below.
Why Adult Children of Divorce May Struggle in Marriage
Research shows that adult children of divorce (ACODs) often experience:
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Fear of abandonment – Growing up with divorce can create insecurity around whether love will last .
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Conflict avoidance or escalation – Some replicate the conflict they saw at home; others avoid it at all costs .
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Lower marital satisfaction rates – Studies suggest ACODs report more relationship distress than peers from intact families .
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Difficulty with trust and intimacy – Childhood experiences can make it harder to fully open up and feel safe in marriage.
But here’s the hopeful news: awareness of these patterns means you can change them.
Strengths Adult Children of Divorce Bring
Not all the impact is negative. Many ACODs develop unique strengths:
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Resilience – You’ve already navigated hardship and loss.
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Clarity about commitment – Many ACODs are deeply motivated to “do better” than what they saw growing up.
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Empathy – A heightened sensitivity to relational pain often makes ACODs more compassionate partners.
These strengths, when paired with relationship tools, can actually make your marriage stronger.
Practical Steps for Couples
If you or your spouse is an adult child of divorce, here are some ways to protect and strengthen your marriage:
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Name the impact – Talk openly about how your childhood shaped your views of marriage.
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Learn intentional communication – Use structured methods like the Imago Dialogue to reduce reactivity and increase empathy.
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Create rituals of connection – Establish routines that reinforce security (weekly date night, daily check-ins, etc.).
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Address conflict directly – Don’t avoid it; instead, learn how to repair effectively after disagreements.
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Seek professional support – A marriage retreat or counseling program can help break generational cycles.
Key Takeaways
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Being an adult child of divorce can bring both challenges and strengths to marriage.
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Patterns of fear, mistrust, or conflict are common—but not permanent.
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Conscious communication and intentional healing help couples create a new legacy.
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You are not destined to repeat your parents’ marriage; you can write a new story.
Sources
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Amato, P. R. (2001). Children of divorce in the 1990s: An update of the Amato & Keith (1991) meta-analysis. Journal of Family Psychology.
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Wolfinger, N. H. (2005). Understanding the Divorce Cycle: The Children of Divorce in Their Own Marriages. Cambridge University Press.
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Whitton, S. W., et al. (2008). Effects of parental divorce on marital commitment and confidence. Journal of Family Psychology.
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