Lots of couples talk with us about their situation and then ask if they’re the worst couple we’ve ever seen. The answer is usually no, of course. Underneath their question lies a deeper one—“Are we beyond hope? Is this just too messy to fix and is it just too late for us?”¹
So, what works?
When couples have a clear structure for how to speak and listen in a way where both can be heard and understood, we’ve seen them pull back from the deep misery and darkness that they are in. That’s due to the emotional safety that is needed and created for couples to feel safe enough with each other².
It’s a radical shift from unsafe marriage counseling—one that allows for blame, shame, or repeats what you’re doing at home: yelling, name-calling, or walking out of the room.
Here’s the answer to your question
The answer to whether a couple is truly beyond hope is simple: Are you both willing to participate in a new way of relating to each other? Are you open to something completely different from what you’ve done before?
The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Even if you’ve tried 20 different counselors and “failed,” if you’re open to following our “rules”—no blame, no shame, and an environment of safety—you can be helped³.
These two situations are indeed harder…
If you are unwilling to follow the structure or participate in trying something new, then fixing your marriage will truly be an uphill battle. But if you can let go and follow our process, then we believe you can absolutely be successful.
If you or your partner is actively involved in an affair—lying, cheating, pursuing extramarital influences—while still hiding it, that does not align with our safety rules and is a barrier to success⁴.
Insights from Rabbi Shlomo
“I’ve seen couples in the worst of situation make a go of it. It had to do with their commitment. And I’ve seen couples with minor issues that just couldn’t make it, simply because the commitment just wasn’t there.”
Estimated likelihood of relationship improvement based on key barriers and readiness factors in couples therapy. Data reflects a synthesis of research findings from long-term outcomes in modalities such as Imago Relationship Therapy, EFT, and integrative approaches.
Key Takeaways
There is rarely a “point of no return” if both partners are willing to engage differently.
A structured, blame-free method can create emotional safety where none existed.
Infidelity without transparency disrupts safety and makes repair much harder.
True change requires new approaches—not repeating old patterns.
Even if the relationship changes, preserving safety and mutual respect is critical.
Sources
Verywell Mind. “Does Couples Therapy Work?” — Finds most couples in crisis can benefit if they seek help (2022).
Gottman, J. M. & Silver, N. The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work — Establishes the importance of emotional safety (2015).
Johnson, S. M., et al. Status and Challenges of Emotionally Focused Therapy — Highlights gains made even after multiple therapy attempts (1999).
American Psychological Association. Intimate Partner Violence — Notes that therapy is unsafe without resolution of infidelity or abuse (2019).
