Lots of couples talk with us about their situation and then ask if they’re the worst couple we’ve ever seen. The answer is usually no of course 🙂 Underneath their question is a deeper one which is- “Are we beyond hope? Is this just too messy to fix and is it just too late for us”?
So, what works?
When couples have a clear structure for how to speak and listen in a way where you both can be heard and understood, we’ve seen them pull back from the deep misery and darkness that they are in.
That’s due to the emotional safety that is needed and created for couples to feel safe enough with each other.
It a radical shift to any kind of unsafe marriage counseling that allows for blame, shame, or simply is a repeat of what you’re pretty much doing at home- yelling, calling names, walking out of the room…
Here’s the answer to your question
The answer to the question about whether a couple is truly beyond hope is- Are you both willing to participate in a new way of relating to each other? Are you willing to try something completely different than what you’re used to?
The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Even if you’ve gone to 20 different marriage counselors and “failed”, if you are open to trying something different and following our “rules” which require no blame and no shame and an environment of safety than you too can be helped.
These two situations are indeed harder…
That means if you are unwilling to follow the structure or participate in trying something new, then the process of fixing your marriage will truly be an uphill battle for you.
But if you can let go and follow our process, then we believe that you can absolutely be successful.
If you or your partner is actively in an affair, lying, cheating behind your partner’s back, and still pursuing extramarital influences in the marriage, that would not fall in line with the safety rules that we see as prerequisites to success. That situation too would be an uphill battle.
