What to do if you’re in an abusive relationship

No form of abuse is ever acceptable. Whether it is physical, verbal, or emotional, abuse damages trust, erodes safety, and prevents a healthy relationship from growing.

While some unhealthy patterns can be addressed in therapy, if you are in physical danger, your first priority is to get safe. Call 911 (in the U.S.), reach out to a trusted friend or family member, or contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-7233) for immediate support.

Types of Abuse in Relationships

Physical Abuse

Physical violence — hitting, pushing, intimidation — is never acceptable. Even one incident is enough to seek safety and help.

Verbal Abuse

Name-calling, insults, and constant criticism may not leave visible scars but can be equally damaging. Over time, they erode self-worth and often escalate into physical abuse if not addressed.

Emotional Abuse

Emotional abuse includes manipulation, gaslighting, controlling behaviors, or threats. It can be subtle but deeply harmful, creating fear and disconnection.

Can Abusive Behavior Ever Change?

In some cases, people can learn to control reactivity and stop abusive patterns — but this requires:

• Acknowledgment: The abusive partner must admit the behavior is unacceptable.

• Commitment: Both partners must prioritize emotional and physical safety.

• Professional support: Therapy or a structured program is essential.

However, change is not guaranteed. If the abusive partner is unwilling to seek help or continues unsafe behavior, the priority is your protection.

Steps to Take if You’re in an Abusive Relationship

1. Get Safe First. If you are in physical danger, leave immediately and seek emergency help.

2. Recognize the warning signs. Abuse is not always obvious — early red flags include isolation, threats, or constant criticism.

3. Reach out for support. Call hotlines, speak with a trusted confidant, or connect with professional counselors.

4. Decide on next steps. If both partners are willing, therapy may help. If not, you may need to set boundaries or exit the relationship to protect yourself.

FAQs About Abusive Relationships

Is name-calling really abuse?
Yes. Verbal abuse, including name-calling and belittling, is harmful and can escalate into more serious forms of abuse if unaddressed¹.

💬 Can emotional abuse turn into physical abuse?
Research shows that ongoing emotional abuse often escalates into physical abuse over time if patterns remain unchecked².

What should I do if I’m in physical danger?
Call 911 (U.S.) or your local emergency number immediately. Prioritize your safety before trying to resolve the relationship.

Can a marriage survive after abuse?
Some couples do heal if both partners commit to change and professional support. However, safety and accountability must come first³.

Where can I get confidential help?
Contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline (U.S.): 1-800-799-7233. They provide free, 24/7 confidential support.

Key Takeaways

• Abuse — physical, verbal, or emotional — is never acceptable.

• If you are in danger, prioritize immediate safety by leaving and calling for help.

• Verbal and emotional abuse can be just as damaging as physical violence.

• While some abusive patterns can change, safety must always come first.

• Professional help and strong boundaries are essential to healing.

Sources

1. Walker, L. (1979). The Battered Woman. Harper & Row.

2. Follingstad, D. R. (2009). The impact of psychological aggression on women’s mental health and behavior. Trauma, Violence, & Abuse.

3. Gondolf, E. W. (2002). Batterer Intervention Systems: Issues, Outcomes, and Recommendations. Sage.

More inspiration about abusive relationship:

• Stopping emotional abuse in a marriage
• Is name calling verbal abuse
• Emotional abuse warning signs