There is no experience quite as life-changing as experiencing a tragic loss. Whether it’s the sudden death of a beloved family member or the loss of a treasured career, these life-altering experiences can truly be devastating to any individual. From the sudden absence to the loss of support to uncertainty of the future, there are so many factors that can play into the experience of grief for any individual or couple.
If you are a partner to someone experiencing grief or loss, it can be challenging to feel like there is nothing that you can do to support them. Out of love, some may be inclined to try to step in and ‘fix’ the situation, which can cause more stress and turmoil to the partner experiencing grief. On the other hand, others may be more inclined to remove themselves from the situation and let their partner cope with the experience on their own. Remember, grief is a hurdle that you must overcome together as partners, not something for your significant other to handle on their own.
But how do you support a partner who is actively grieving without overstepping boundaries or stepping too far back? Are there any steps that you can take to be supportive without sacrificing your relationship and future together? If you are a spouse whose partner is experiencing loss and are unsure of how to best support them through the process, we’re happy to help. Keep reading to discover some key methods to provide support to your spouse as you navigate the experience of loss together.
Practice Active Listening
One of the most crucial steps you can take in supporting a partner who is navigating a loss is to simply sit and practice active listening. When they take the time to discuss their loss and how it makes them feel or to reminisce on better times prior to the loss, avoid interrupting and be an empathetic, listening ear. Allow them to share how they feel without interruption and make certain that you don’t accidentally minimize their feelings.
Remember the Happy Times
With grief and loss, it’s easy to get wrapped up in the negatives of the situation, such as the absence of a treasured family member or the struggle of suddenly needing to find a new career. As a supportive partner, you can help be there for your spouse by remembering the happy times together. Whether it’s reminiscing about happy memories of their loved one or supporting them as they search for a new job, this can help keep their mind in the light and help them feel supported throughout the grieving process.
Give Them Space if They Need It
Many times, those who are working through a catastrophic loss, whether it’s the loss of a loved one or a sudden loss of a job, will need some time to reflect on what has happened on their own. If your partner puts up a boundary and requests some alone time, it’s important that you respect their wishes and give them the space that they need in order to heal. You can gently remind them that you are here as a support system, but do not try to insert yourself if they are in need of alone time.
Take Care of the Little Things
Oftentimes, when someone is going through the stages of grief following a loss, they forget to take care of the little things in their lives. Running errands, cleaning the house or simply remembering to eat a meal can be the last thing on their minds. This, in turn, will lead to more stress and turmoil, as the house becomes messy and cluttered, they run out of groceries or they are dealing with the fatigue of not eating. Take the time to handle these little, practical things for them, whether it’s washing the dishes or prepping a nourishing dinner. While small, they can make all of the difference in their experience of grief.
Be Patient with Their Recovery
Everyone experiences grief differently. For some, this process can be best countered by jumping right back into their daily lives and keeping busy. For others, this can involve a complete shutdown of their usual routine, with the grief and loss completely encompassing them entirely. Either way, it’s important to remember that grieving is a process and your partner will move through it at their own pace. Don’t try to rush them back into their daily life before they’re ready and always remind them that you are there to help and support them at each step of the process.
Don’t Be Afraid of Asking for Help
Some losses can be extremely difficult to recover from and a spouse’s support can only go so far. If you are worried about your partner or in need of help, don’t be afraid to reach out to a professional for assistance. Whether it’s a licensed grief therapist or an experienced marriage counselor, these individuals are an important resource in any couple’s recovery from loss. A licensed therapist can offer individual or coupled support, giving you and your spouse coping mechanisms and key steps that you can take on the road to recovery from loss.
Helping Your Spouse Heal After Tragedy
When it comes to major life changes, nothing is more devastating than a sudden, tragic loss. Whether it’s the death of a treasured loved one or the sudden loss of a lifelong career, these life-changing circumstances can be catastrophic for any couple to experience. If you are the supporting partner to a spouse who is experiencing grief, it can be challenging to know how to best support them through the loss. By practicing active listening, focusing on the positive memories, giving them space when needed, staying patient with their recovery and knowing when to ask for help, you can effectively support your grieving spouse through the process of experiencing loss.
If you are currently supporting a spouse through grief and are in need of assistance, we are happy to help. Please reach out to us to speak to an experienced, licensed couples counselor and we will do our best to assist you and your spouse through this challenging time.
