Hiring a marriage counselor is one of the most important relationship decisions you’ll ever make—and not all therapists are equally equipped to help. Many couples unknowingly choose a counselor based on location, insurance coverage, or availability, only to discover that the fit isn’t right or the results are underwhelming.
In this guide, you’ll learn how to choose the right marriage counselor in three simple but powerful steps—so you can avoid costly mistakes, feel confident in your choice, and get the help your relationship truly needs.
Finding a therapist can be challenging—finding the right couples therapist can feel even harder. That’s because not every therapist who offers couples counseling is trained to do it effectively1.
Couples therapy requires specialized skills and training that go beyond what most general therapists learn in their degree programs. Choosing the wrong therapist can not only waste time and money but, in some cases, even make things worse2.
Here is a podcast episode to listen to that can help you find the best therapist for your marriage along with three research-backed steps to help you choose a couples therapist who can truly help your relationship.
1. Research to Find Experienced, Licensed Couples Therapy Experts
Don’t just pick the closest therapist in your insurance network—dig deeper. Many therapists offer couples counseling without advanced certification in evidence-based approaches.
Look for therapists who:
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Holds a license in professional counseling or marriage and family therapy.
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Have specific advanced training in couples therapy models with proven effectiveness, such as Imago Relationship Therapy, Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), or the Gottman Method3.
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Can provide evidence of ongoing professional development in couples work.
Therapists trained in these methods tend to achieve better outcomes for couples because they address deeper relational patterns rather than just surface-level conflict4.
2. Interview Them Before You Commit
A therapist’s qualifications are important—but so is the fit between you and them. Research shows that the quality of the client–therapist relationship (often called the “therapeutic alliance”) is one of the strongest predictors of success in therapy5.
Before committing, ask:
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What is your specific training and certification in couples therapy?
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How do you approach couples where one partner is reluctant or ambivalent?
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Have you worked with couples facing challenges similar to ours?
A good couples therapist should welcome these questions and provide clear, thoughtful answers. If you leave the conversation feeling uneasy, keep looking.
3. Explore Alternatives to Weekly Marriage Counseling Sessions
Traditional once-a-week therapy works well for some couples—but it’s not the only option. Short-term, immersive interventions can create faster breakthroughs for couples in crisis or at an impasse6.
Alternatives include:
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Marriage intensives: 1–3 day deep-dive sessions with a licensed therapist.
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Couples therapy retreats: A combination of education, communication tools, and private therapy in a concentrated setting.
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Workshops: Group-based, skills-focused programs for couples wanting to strengthen communication and connection.
These formats often condense months of progress into days, helping couples address urgent issues before patterns become harder to repair7.
Key Takeaways
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Look beyond location and insurance—choose a therapist with specialized couples therapy training.
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Interview potential therapists to ensure both qualifications and personal fit.
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Consider alternatives to weekly sessions if you need rapid progress or a deeper intervention.
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The right therapist or format can be the difference between lasting change and frustration.
Frequently Asked Questions
1. How do I know if a marriage counselor is qualified to help couples specifically?
Look for therapists who are licensed (LMFT, LCPC, LPC, or LCSW) and have advanced certification in a couples therapy model like Imago Relationship Therapy. General therapy training alone isn’t enough—these evidence-based specialties provide the tools needed to address relational dynamics, not just surface conflict.
2. What’s the difference between individual therapy and couples therapy?
Individual therapy focuses on your personal history and emotional patterns, while couples therapy focuses on the relationship system between two people. A skilled couples therapist helps you both understand triggers, communication breakdowns, and unmet needs, guiding you toward connection rather than blame.
3. What questions should we ask before committing to a marriage counselor?
You can ask:
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“What specific training or certifications do you have in couples therapy?”
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“How do you approach sessions when one partner is resistant?”
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“What does success look like in your process?”
A confident, competent counselor will answer clearly and make you feel safe asking these questions.
4. Can couples therapy make things worse?
It can—if the therapist isn’t properly trained in relationship work. Inexperienced counselors might unintentionally take sides or focus too much on venting rather than repairing. That’s why choosing someone with specialized couples training is critical.
5. What if one partner doesn’t want to go to therapy?
A skilled therapist can still help by starting with the more motivated partner or creating a low-pressure invitation for the other spouse. The key is to avoid blame and express that therapy is about understanding each other, not fixing or fault-finding.
6. What are marriage intensives, and how are they different from weekly counseling?
A marriage intensive is a 1–3-day deep-dive experience where couples work privately with a licensed therapist. This immersive format helps achieve the progress of several months’ worth of weekly therapy in just a weekend—ideal for couples in crisis or those seeking rapid, focused results.
7. How do I know when to choose a retreat or intensive instead of weekly sessions?
If you’re dealing with repeated conflicts, emotional distance, or a possible separation, an intensive format may be better. It provides the time and privacy needed to resolve core issues before they escalate further.
8. Is marriage counseling worth it if we’re already considering divorce?
Yes—especially when you work with a therapist who understands how to de-escalate conflict and rebuild connection quickly. Many couples find that even if they ultimately separate, therapy helps them do so peacefully or rekindles the motivation to stay together and repair.
9. How can we tell if therapy is actually working?
You should notice improvements in communication, empathy, and teamwork within the first few sessions. You’ll argue less destructively, feel more emotionally understood, and begin to rebuild trust. If progress stalls, discuss it openly with your therapist.
10. How do we start finding the right couples therapist for us?
Begin by searching directories like Psychology Today or Imago Relationships International for licensed specialists in your area. Then, schedule a short consultation call to evaluate both their expertise and your comfort level with them.
Sources
Footnotes
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Lebow, J., Chambers, A. L., Christensen, A., & Johnson, S. M. (2012). Research on the treatment of couple distress. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 38(1), 145–168. ↩
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Gurman, A. S., & Fraenkel, P. (2002). The history of couple therapy: A millennial review. Family Process, 41(2), 199–260. ↩
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Johnson, S. M. (2019). The Practice of Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy: Creating Connection (3rd ed.). Routledge. ↩
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Gottman, J., & Gottman, J. S. (2015). 10 Principles for Doing Effective Couples Therapy. W. W. Norton & Company. ↩
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Norcross, J. C., & Wampold, B. E. (2018). Relationships and responsiveness in the psychological treatment of individuals and couples. American Psychological Association. ↩
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Baucom, B. R., Atkins, D. C., & Christensen, A. (2015). Intensive behavioral couple therapy: A comparison of couple therapy delivered weekly versus daily. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 83(4), 547–558. ↩
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Luquet, W. H. (2015). Short-Term Couples Therapy: The Imago Model in Action. Routledge. ↩
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